A Little Honesty

For three weeks now little else has occupied my mind besides homeschooling, which we start next week and Rachel's tenth birthday, which is Friday.
Both events fill me with excitement and anticipation. Mixed in with these emotions is anxiety as i try to pace myself and not overwhelm myself with crazy, unrealistic expectations.
The past few days i have been battling depression and tears. My usual reaction is to isolate myself but i know tomorrow i will be meeting with the women of my CR group. The thought frightens me and comforts me all at the same time. If it weren't for this beautiful group of women it would be so easy to shut the doors and stay home tomorrow but because i am the facilitator of the group they do depend on me to be there.
I love seeing everyone each week. I love hearing their stories and experiences. Even sharing my own "stuff" feels good. Honesty with people you trust does wonders for the heart and mind.
These meetings are the highlight of my week!
I really admire and respect these women. They encourage me. As i watch them grow i am strengthened. I think of them often as i struggle and i know if they can perservere with God's help then so can i.
I love them all like sisters.
So, tonight as i type this i am feeling much better about the junk of my life because i know i am not alone. I have my family, friends and God on my side.
The going may get tough but my God will never leave me and He will even put others to walk beside me.
Thank You, precious, loving Father!

Two O'clock Saturday Morning

Two o’clock Saturday morning, for some unknown reason, i woke up and could not get back to sleep. For an hour i just laid in the darkness, lost in thought. Nothing profound-just going over my to-do list in my head, rehashing events from the day before and trying to remember the title of the crazy song that keeps playing its annoying self in my mind. Though my mind was busy nothing was getting accomplished. As the minutes ticked away my frustration began to mount. Then it occured to me that i should pray.

Three o’clock Saturday morning, i began to pray. It was as if God was asking me, “Child, what took you so long?”. He knew the answer but i had to hear it for myself, “I was so distracted that i forgot.” Isn’t that true in all our lives and not just at two o’clock in the morning when we can’t sleep? Things happen, problems arise and crises occur but instead of taking it to God we turn to distractions. To numb the discomfort or pain we go to the kitchen for a bag of chips or ice cream. To keep ourselves from looking at our circumstances we busy ourselves with endless activity. To avoid being “exposed” to others we withdraw to the television or the internet. Satan uses many distractions to isolate us and prevent us from experiencing freedom and healing. The longer he can keep us distracted the harder it becomes for us to hear God calling out, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” Please beware of the distractions in your life that isolate and take your focus off the One who gives you peace.

Four o’clock Saturday morning, i thanked God for opening my sleepy eyes to the distractions in my life and asked Him to help me to be more aware of them in the future. I know He is smiling at this time. Then the eyes that know no sleep watched me as i drifted off to sleep.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28