One more day to go in this long, busy week. Tomorrow Rachel comes home and our family will return to "normal". Whatever "normal" is. Around here i believe it is only a setting on my washing machine and dryer. All i do know is that we have really missed Rachel this week and look forward to her being back home.
Her first day or two back will probably be spent catching up on rest and that is okay with us. She has been a very busy young lady. We are looking forward to hearing all about it.
From the pictures i have seen of Rachel this week, i can tell she has had a good time. My favorite picture shows her with one of the ladies from the nursing home where they visited the residents there. I teared up just telling my husband about it. In the picture, Rachel stands beside the woman and both are smiling as if to say, "This is my new, special friend.".
Maybe that sounds a little corny but that's just the way i see it. And maybe God's love for us is so great that to the world it seems corny. If that is the case, i don't mind being corny myself.
Well, that's all i have for now. I've got things i would like to get done before my sweet girl gets home tomorrow and that hour is ticking closer and closer...so i am off to finish my to-do list.
Good night.

The Week Ahead

As a mama, today i am feeling a mixture of sadness, pride and joy. This morning we saw Rachel off to camp. This week she and her friends from church will be serving by helping those in need. There will be so much to do; cleaning, yardwork and childcare to name a few of the known assignments. With so much to do the week should go by pretty quickly for the kids and their leaders.

On the other hand, for Jeremy, the boys and me the hours will tick by very slowly. We will miss her so much-we are already missing her. Though her absence makes it difficult for the next few days we are proud of Rachel. She is going with such excitement and wanting to help that it is hard to imagine not being proud of the young lady she is growing into.

Then there is the joy of knowing that Rachel is doing what she feels is God's will and we believe that the center of God's will is the very best place to be.

It is going to be so much fun to hear of Rachel's experience upon her return. I am sure she will be exhausted but more than anything she is going to feel a deep satisfaction knowing she has shown God's love to those who may experience so little of it in their own lives. The memories and the eternal rewards are going to be far greater than any temporary exhaustion she may feel at the end of the camp experience.

As a mama i ask everyone who reads this to pray for Rachel and her friends this week they act as the hands and feet of Jesus.

Thank you and God bless!

Where is God When bad Things Happen?

That is the question asked today in VBS. Don't we all ask this ourselves from time to time?
The children's answer to this question is to believe that He is right there with us. And this is true.
We may not always "see" Him and we may not always "feel" Him...but He is there, providing us with what we need to get through. We often miss Him not because He has left us but because we lose sight. Our focus becomes our circumstances rather than our Father who comforts us and strengthens us. When we lose sight of Him we lose ourselves in the struggle and the storms consume us.
Jesus tells us we will have trouble in this fallen world. He also tells us He will give us peace. He says He will never leave nor forsake us.
Where is God when bad things happen? He is right where He promised He would always be, right here with us.

Monday

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  1 Timothy 4:12

Today was the first day of Vacation Bible School for Rachel and her brothers. It seems they had a really good time but more importantly, they learned some valuable lessons about God and who He is. I enjoyed listening as they shared from their Bible story for today: Acts 9:1-9, and look forward to hearing more as they return for more truth and fond memories.
Their memory verse for the week is 1 Timothy 4:12(cited above) and they already have it memorized. Tonight i had them write it down and we discussed what it meant to "be and an example in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity". Whether they realize it or not, i learn just as much from them as they learn from me...maybe even more at times. I am truly grateful for my children and the zeal they have for God. I pray that their passion continues to grow as they mature.
And i thank God for VBS. It may last a week but it leaves an impression that lasts a lifetime!

Good Morning

I found this bloom this morning. It is the first of my clematis to make its debut. I like to think of it as God greeting me upon waking from a night of rest. My morning ritual these days is to take my breakfast and quiet time on the patio. From there i water my plants and enjoy my tiny, growing garden.
I thank God for this time and for the beautiful setting He has prepared for me.

Psalm 145:17-18

"The LORD is righteous in all His ways,

Gracious in all His works.

The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,

To all who call upon Him in truth."

~Psalm 145:17-18

The truth of God is that He is always righteous and always gracious.

The truth of God is that He is always faithful.

The truth of God is He is Truth.

In the Quiet

Butterflies are fun to watch but not so easy to photograph. That is where patience and stillness come into play.

To get this picture i had to sit for some time and make very little movement. In time the butterflies came around-attracted by a small puddle of water. I was practically holding my breath the whole time, making every effort to make as little sound as possible. It was only after they had gotten comfortable and frolicked for a while that i started taking pictures.

As you can see, the effort paid off.

This is true of my quiet time in the mornings as well. It isn't always easy to get up in the morning while everyone else is still sleeping, even more difficult when i haven't slept so well the night before or have a big day ahead. But it is always worth it!

It is not always easy to sit quietly and put away distractions long enough to sit and listen to God. But when i am still it is much easier to hear God when He speaks and it is so worth the effort.

The more time i spend quietly with God the more my faith grows and the more my faith grows the more my patience grows. With this growth comes the eagerness to get up in the morning and spend time with the Lover of my soul. After my time with Him i am much better equipped to face the day and handle whatever comes my way because i have invited my Lord to spend the day with me. I realize i can not make it without Him.

It is also in the quiet moments throughout the day that He continues to teach me-like those moments when i am watching butterflies!

The Present

There is no time like the present to say, "I love you".

No time like the present to show mercy and compassion.

There is no time like the present to forgive and to ask forgiveness.

No time like the present to let go of the past.

Now is the time to start being who God created you to be,

because the present is a gift He has given to open and let His love light the way to the future He has planned for you.

Looking Ahead

With the end of the school year only a couple of weeks away the kids and i are anticipating all the activites planned for this summer.
We will be starting the season with VBS and church camp. Then there is art camp, field trips and play dates with friends. There other activities we hope to participate in like reading programs, movies at the drive-in and bike rides in the park.
While these things are all good and i am really looking forward to all of them i do intend to start each day in quiet time and prayer. In the hours that the children are in VBS and other endeavors i plan to take advantage of the peace and quiet to spend time in meditation and reflection.
I am missing creative time as well. So much of my time in the last year has been spent running and doing. So little of my time has been spent just listening to God. It is time to slow down and change that. God is the One who inspires creativity and gives peace. Time without Him saps creativity and destroys peace.
What i desire more than anything else right now is to spend my time drawing closer to God, enjoying my relationship with Him and with others He has blessed my life with. In doing these things i know it is going to be a really great summer and an awesome time of growth in Him. I pray that i will stick to this plan and continue through every season of my life.

A Thank you for Mother's Day

I just have to brag on and thank Jeremy, Rachel, Brogan, Reece and Sawyer for making my Mother's Day extra special. They spoiled me real good by giving me the new Francine Rivers book, "Her Mother's Hope", taking me out to eat and cleaning the van out.


I appreciate all they did for me and all they do for me day to day.


God has truly blessed me with a loving husband and children.


I love you all so much!

In Soccer and in Life

Rachel and her brothers enjoy playing soccer. They enjoy the competition and getting to know their fellow team mates. They really like their coaches too. That is a really good thing considering Reece and Sawyer are being coached by their Daddy.

With all they appreciate about soccer, there a few things they do not like. One of those things is the attitudes of some players. For some reason there are those who feel the need to tell everyone how good they are and boast of their percieved skill.

Another thing the kids do not appreciate is bad sportsmanship. It is such an ugly thing to witness whether it is from the "winning" team or the team that does not win.

After discussing these things with Rachel and watching her play i had these two thoughts and not only do they pertain to soccer and other sports but they relate to life as well. And here are my thoughts as i believe God gave them to me: First, it is not the ones who tell us how good they are that we are to watch but it is the ones who let their skill speak for them.

Second, the winner is not necessarily the one who scores the most points but the one who plays with integrity and class.

How often do we encounter those who can be so prideful and arrogant? Those who delight in telling us how good they are? We encounter them in sports, at work, school and in other situations throughout life.

If we are not careful we will allow them to intimidate us and suck the enjoyment out the things we usually enjoy. I can honestly say that this has happened to me in times past but as i shared this insight with Rachel i promised myself that i would remember it too.

Gratitude Beats a Bad Attitude

For over a week now our Internet access has been spotty, to say the least. Most days we have had no service at all. Other days it has been extremely slow.

My first reaction to this issue was to become frustrated, then to get upset. None of this accomplished anything so i just learned to accept it though i still didn't like it. The thought finally occurred to me that things could be so much worse.

I still had my health, a roof over my head and a loving family. To let something like the lack of Internet service get me down was just ridiculous. I was being spoiled and ungrateful. The truth of the matter is my blessings far out weigh my petty inconveniences and gripes. How pathetic that it takes insignificant matters such as this to make me realize the significance of God's grace toward me.

Jeremy called to find out what the problem was and it turned out to something with our tower. He can explain it much better than i can. I just repeat what he tells me. Since talking with the right people the situation has improved though there are times when it is still problematic.

Well, we have done all we know to do at this point. For now there is nothing else we can do. But there is something i can do about my attitude and that is to take my thoughts captive and submit them to the authority of Christ and stop worrying about things i have no control over.

Maybe it isn't always the easiest thing to do but it is the very best thing to do and something i will be working on this week.

In the Storm

It has been said that in every life the rain must fall,

but do not be so distracted by the thunder that you miss the call.

Listen very closely and you will hear,

God is telling you He is always near.

When the clouds start to gather and your skies are turning gray,

remember He will never stray.

Whether in the calm or in the storm,

God is right there with you.

He will never leave nor forsake you.

A Prayer

This morning i am fighting a losing battle with distraction and my thoughts are running amok.

Please help me to gather my thoughts and bring each one to You, Lord!

My days are busy. Things seem so chaotic at times. My appetite is great so i fill it with food when what i am really starved for is more of You.



It's not that You have left me, Your faithfulness to me is never ending. But i have neglected my time with You. You are always there but my mind is in so many places and my hours are jammed with things to do and places to go.



Why is it when we need the most to slow down that we have convinced ourselves we have too much to get done?



I had hoped to end this with all the right answers but now i can see it is just going to take more time. And my time is what You want. For it is where i spend most of my time that my heart is. Right now that is a pretty scary thought.



Father, You have given me all that i have and that includes time. Help me to be a better steward of all You have given me.

Strength in Struggle

Until last night it had been almost 9 months since my last post. Those months have been filled with all kinds activity pertaining to school, church and other pursuits. In some ways the days have flown by while in other ways it seemed the days would never end. Along the way i have learned some things about myself and witnessed the faithfulness of God-even when i have been less than faithful.

With only a few more weeks left of school i am looking forward to a break from class and studies. This will be the first summer in many years that i will not be teaching VBS. I will miss it but i do think i need the break. There are many things i want to work on in myself before starting a new school year. These are things that really need to be worked on and time needs to be taken to ensure that my best efforts are made.

I thank God for being so patient with me and lovingly showing me the weaknesses and hinderances that continually cause me to struggle. Only with His help can i effectively deal with these issues and only as i deal with them can i be of service to God and others.

In the days and weeks that follow i hope to document my progress in the hopes of encouraging others who may be struggling with similar issues. However God uses me and my story i know it will be for the best. Already He has used to encourage others who deal with depression, anxiety and perfectionism. So i am really looking forward to seeing how He uses me and strengthens me as i confess to Him and others my struggles with an eating disorder.

My hope is that whoever reads this will be strengthened and encouraged as God strengthens and encourages me.

Singing With the Birds

I really did not want to get up this morning. The room was dark, the skies were gray, the rain was falling and it was quite chilly. My first thought was to pull the covers up and put the pillow over my head. My mind was racing with excuses why it was wrong to be up at such an hour. Everyone else was sleeping so i should be too.
Then that is when i heard it...
Birds singing! It started with one, then others joined in.
It was as if they were singing for God and wanted me to join in too.
The rain would not dampen their spirits and the gray skies would not darken their view. From tree branches and soaring through the air the birds sang with much enthusiasm.
For a moment i sat in silence and just listened. Then i started to sing too.
What the birds reminded me is that each day is a gift from the Father above and every gift He gives is given out of His great love.
So the next time you hear the birds sing, remember what i have just shared with you and sing praises to the God who loves you!

A Little Honesty

For three weeks now little else has occupied my mind besides homeschooling, which we start next week and Rachel's tenth birthday, which is Friday.
Both events fill me with excitement and anticipation. Mixed in with these emotions is anxiety as i try to pace myself and not overwhelm myself with crazy, unrealistic expectations.
The past few days i have been battling depression and tears. My usual reaction is to isolate myself but i know tomorrow i will be meeting with the women of my CR group. The thought frightens me and comforts me all at the same time. If it weren't for this beautiful group of women it would be so easy to shut the doors and stay home tomorrow but because i am the facilitator of the group they do depend on me to be there.
I love seeing everyone each week. I love hearing their stories and experiences. Even sharing my own "stuff" feels good. Honesty with people you trust does wonders for the heart and mind.
These meetings are the highlight of my week!
I really admire and respect these women. They encourage me. As i watch them grow i am strengthened. I think of them often as i struggle and i know if they can perservere with God's help then so can i.
I love them all like sisters.
So, tonight as i type this i am feeling much better about the junk of my life because i know i am not alone. I have my family, friends and God on my side.
The going may get tough but my God will never leave me and He will even put others to walk beside me.
Thank You, precious, loving Father!

Wings

God whispers on butterfly wings

and tells me He has given me wings too.

With my wings He says to fly,

and color the world around me

with faith, hope and love!

Nothing...Absolutely Nothing!

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans8:38-39

As well as i think i know myself-past and present-there is One who knows me like absolutely no one else can. He knows my past, present and future. Even in His unlimited knowledge of me He loves me still. God’s love for me is perfect and extravagant. He lavishes His love upon me!

Still, i doubt. Things i have said and done come back to haunt me. When these memories play in my head my heart begins to question how God could still love me. Somehow i can see how God might love others but not me.

It all boils down to pride in my heart. Yes, pride. At first i tried to deny it but the truth stared me in the eyes until i could deny it no more. In my pride i convinced myself that i was beyond God’s love and grace. I was basically calling Him a liar.

Now, as God has been showing me my selfish pride He has done it out of His faithful love. I don’t know how many times in the past few days He has brought me to Romans 8:38&39 but i have learned that when God continually brings certain Scripture or thoughts to my attention i better listen closely! And i am so glad i did because as i read and meditate on Romans 8:38&39 i too am convinced that NOTHING can seperate me from God’s unfailing love. Not even my failure or my foolish pride-NOTHING!!

I See the Moon

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

I see the moon shining bright, through the darkness of the night. But if it weren’t for the sun there would be no light. As it glows in the black sky, it takes the radiance of the sun on high to reveal the moons true beauty to the beholding eye. What disaster would occur and devestation would concur if the moon left the way and from the sun did stray! I see the moon shining bright and hear the lesson God is teaching me tonight. In life, Jesus is the Son and the Light and in this world is darkness. It is by His power that my life can shine. The glory is His and not mine. Jesus is the truth and He tells me that beauty is more than meets the eye, and as i allow others to see the flaws in me they will see how great the Son’s power can be. Jesus is the Way. With Him i must stay or darkness will fill my days. I see the moon shining bright and thank God for brining to my sight this illustration of the Son’s awesome light and how i am to be a reflection that others might also see.


“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’” John 14:6