This week has been somewhat of an exercise in perserverance for me. Since going through my latest round of depression writing has become diffficult for me. Even as i take medication to balance those unruly chemicals i still struggle with expressing thoughts that are clearer now. Is this making any sense? If it is i don't see it yet.
On Monday i decided i was going to start writing again. It has been a slow process but believe it or not i do believe it is helping. Not everyday has been a writing day but in some way i have been able to express some of what i am feeling. On Wednesday it was a simple picture of a moth i found outside in the mud. I was fascinated by this moth because though it was surrounded by muck and mire it did not succumb to it's dire surroundings. After a few minutes of watching the moth work it's wings i witnessed it's flight. I want to be like that moth and rise above. That is what i was saying when i posted the picture.
Last night i was feeling anxious. It started with the accelerated heartbeat. The harder and faster it beat the more restless i became. In my mind i was trying to find the source of my anxiety but could find nothing. I tried my breathing techniques which worked for a while but the anxiety returned after a few minutes. By the kids bedtime i was more than ready for a few moments of peace and quiet. I wanted to write but couldn't. Then i remembered the picture of the Shepherd's hands that i had taken last summer at a friends house. The cool thing is i had been reading from Psalm 23 that morning. I believe God was telling me to bring my anxiety to Him. So with that i posted the picture and reminded myself that i was and am still in His loving hands. With that i went back and did what i should have done in the first place-i imagined myself in His arms as i told Him of my anxiety and worries.
This morning i am feeling much better. Will the anxiety return? It might. But if it does return i will not hold on to it so long. Instead i will put it into the mighty and capable hands of the God who loves and cares for me.
He is in control!
2 comments:
I, too, find that writing calms me and moves me to clearer thinking. I so need to find more time to do it.
A dear Christian writer/editor friend of mine recommends The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It is a wonderful exercise. You can also check out her website at theartistsway.com
I hope you do find the time to do more writing. I know what it does for me to write and i see it does the same for you. In the meantime, i'll be watching your blog!
Thanks for sharing the title, author and website. I can't wait to check these out. Sounds really good!
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