Arise, Shine

“Arise,shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.” Isaiah 60:1

Thank You,God,for guiding me to this Scripture. As soon as i read it i knew it was what i needed to hear. God, You gave me my love of writing, art and other forms of expression and for awhile i really did enjoy writing and drawing whenever and on whatever i could. That was mostly as a child. As i got older i started looking at others and measuring myself against them. After that nothing i ever did was good enough in my eyes. Then fear set in so that even when i wanted to write or draw i wouldn’t because i had convinced myself i couldn’t do it-at least not the way i thought it should be done. Now i look back, all these years later, and i am filled with regret. Because of my regret i find myself trying to force creativity and that is just as bad as stifling it. I also still struggle with my crazy self-expectations. The trash can is filled with art that did not meet those expectations. Notebooks are filled with papers that contain words i have written but won’t share because they don’t sound “right” to me. These words from Isaiah really speak to me today because they remind me it is all it is all about You and not me. You give me what i need to rise and it is Your light that makes me shine. It is for Your glory that i am to write and create. Your hands guide the pen and pencil or whatever medium You desire. You are inspiration! This is what i have forgotten and i thank You, Father, for reminding me. Help me to remember.

In the Shepherd's Hands

This week has been somewhat of an exercise in perserverance for me. Since going through my latest round of depression writing has become diffficult for me. Even as i take medication to balance those unruly chemicals i still struggle with expressing thoughts that are clearer now. Is this making any sense? If it is i don't see it yet.
On Monday i decided i was going to start writing again. It has been a slow process but believe it or not i do believe it is helping. Not everyday has been a writing day but in some way i have been able to express some of what i am feeling. On Wednesday it was a simple picture of a moth i found outside in the mud. I was fascinated by this moth because though it was surrounded by muck and mire it did not succumb to it's dire surroundings. After a few minutes of watching the moth work it's wings i witnessed it's flight. I want to be like that moth and rise above. That is what i was saying when i posted the picture.
Last night i was feeling anxious. It started with the accelerated heartbeat. The harder and faster it beat the more restless i became. In my mind i was trying to find the source of my anxiety but could find nothing. I tried my breathing techniques which worked for a while but the anxiety returned after a few minutes. By the kids bedtime i was more than ready for a few moments of peace and quiet. I wanted to write but couldn't. Then i remembered the picture of the Shepherd's hands that i had taken last summer at a friends house. The cool thing is i had been reading from Psalm 23 that morning. I believe God was telling me to bring my anxiety to Him. So with that i posted the picture and reminded myself that i was and am still in His loving hands. With that i went back and did what i should have done in the first place-i imagined myself in His arms as i told Him of my anxiety and worries.
This morning i am feeling much better. Will the anxiety return? It might. But if it does return i will not hold on to it so long. Instead i will put it into the mighty and capable hands of the God who loves and cares for me.
He is in control!