Write From the Heart

Watching the fog roll in tonight with the children made me think of the mental fog that has been clouding my view for much too long. For months now i have been overwhelmed by events that have taken place in my life, busy with demands on my time(most of these demands are self-imposed, by the way) and confused by all my crazy conflicting emotions. It is no coincidence that i have not journaled consistently in months. Journaling is a very important part of my life. It is my prayer time. When i try to get down on my knees and speak my prayers i am so easily distracted and soon give up but when i get by myself for awhile and start writing my prayers, the words flow and it is not a monologue. As i write i am also listening. I truly feel God's presence as i journal. Many times i will fill several pages before i am done. Regardless of how i feel when i start to write i always feel at peace by the time i am done. It reminds me so much of the Psalms. I have always appreciated how the psalmist may have started out frustrated,depressed or angry but by the end of the Psalm he is singing God's praises. How beautiful! And how much like my own life i want that to be. To know that whatever i am facing in life i can take it to my Heavenly Father and He will hear me,love me and fill me with His peace. The situation may not go away and i may not have any answers but the One who does know gives me just what i need to stand firm. Back to the fog, after thinking these things over in my head, i dug up my journal and pen,closed myself inside my bedroom and started writing. It was kind of slow at first but i just poured my heart out to God and told Him of my anxieties and how i felt lonely,like giving up. With that out of my head and down on paper, God lifted the fog that has hindered me for so long. Hallejuah! Three pages later, as i finished writing, i made a promise to God not to let myself become so lost in thought that i feel i am drowning before i write again. Since writing is prayer for me i commit to do it everyday and more than just once a day. However He leads me i will write.

Why i Journal

Though i have always loved to write it has only been in the last four years that i have journaled consistently. During this time i have filled three journals and i am presently working on my fourth. I have also started a seperate journal for my family's homeschooling journey. The reasons i enjoy journaling are numerous but i will share a few with you. One reason is because i write much better than i speak. I may not always be able to orally express what i am feeling but give me a pen and paper and i can tell you in writing. Even if i am not so sure of how i am feeling or why i feel the way i do if i try to write it seems to make more sense and usually by the time i am done i do feel better. When i have trouble praying vocally i start writing my prayers. It helps me to focus. Another neat thing about journaling is that it usually ends in praise and thanksgiving! That is why i often refer to my journals as "my psalms". Journaling gets my creative juices flowing as well. Sometimes i even draw in my journal. It was through journaling that i was inspired to start blogging. One more reason i love to journal is because i am leaving a legacy for my children. It is my hope that when they read my writings someday they may learn more about me and maybe even learn from my experiences. Rachel has already started writing on her own and it makes me glad that she is realizing at her young age the importance and joy of journaling.