School is Back in Session!

Today was the first day of school at Front Porch Academy!
And though i had hoped to have pictures to share and despite the fact that we got off to a later start than anticipated it was still a successful beginning.
This year we will be working through "Rome to the Reformation" from My Father's World. Though today was a "light" day, intended to ease us into the school year we still learned quite a bit.
First, we went through the Roman numerals-both the characters and names for numbers 1-10, 20-100 and 1,000. Then we learned the legend of Romulus and Remus along with some other Roman history.
Tomorrow will be a little more involved as we continue to gradually beef up our schedule. On the agenda are: "How the Bible Came to us"(Bible History), Roman Lands Today(map) and "Inside the Human Body(science). I will also be reading to them about the Roman Republic and we can not forget math and writing!
Whew! It really looks to be an exciting year already.
My prayer is that even as our enthusiasm ebbs and flows we will continue to put our best foot forward.
With that thought in mind i am going over our material for tomorrow and thanking God that i am able to teach my children at home.

Take my hand, Lord, and lead me through this day, step by step. Remind me that I cannot do everything I wish nor do any of it perfectly. Only you are perfect, and only with your help can I do my best. Help me to remember to ask for that help. -Avery Brooke

A Prayer

This morning i am fighting a losing battle with distraction and my thoughts are running amok.

Please help me to gather my thoughts and bring each one to You, Lord!

My days are busy. Things seem so chaotic at times. My appetite is great so i fill it with food when what i am really starved for is more of You.



It's not that You have left me, Your faithfulness to me is never ending. But i have neglected my time with You. You are always there but my mind is in so many places and my hours are jammed with things to do and places to go.



Why is it when we need the most to slow down that we have convinced ourselves we have too much to get done?



I had hoped to end this with all the right answers but now i can see it is just going to take more time. And my time is what You want. For it is where i spend most of my time that my heart is. Right now that is a pretty scary thought.



Father, You have given me all that i have and that includes time. Help me to be a better steward of all You have given me.

Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10

This picture of Rachel and Brogan is one of my absolute favorites. It was taken soon after we moved here and we were exploring the area.

What i love about this photograph is that they are both being still and they are not posing for the camera as they usually do. It is as if they are lost in the moment and just enjoying the beauty that surrounds them.

Every time i see this i am reminded of Psalm 46:10. The words, "Be still", speak boldly to me.

How is it that seems so simple can be so difficult for me to practice? Even when the house is quiet and no one else is around i busy myself with mindless chores that really don't have to be done but the thought of being still and listening gets me thinking of activity i could be doing. Busyness is something i know all too well. Stillness and quietness...not so well.

I am praying God will change this about me.

A Tree of Righteousness

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.” 1 Corithians 16:13

Beside the river behind my house stands a tree whose roots run deep into the waters that flow there. For years it has stood through many a storm, buffeted by winds and waters that flood. The tests of time and the elements have proven over and over the strength of this tree whose roots run so deep into the river that flows. How i pray that i could be more like this tree.

Beside the streams of Living Water i want to stand with roots that drink deeply of the Flow. When the storms of life do come i will stand firm because my faith is in YOU. YOU will be my strength and my courage will come from YOU alone.

Lord, make me a tree of righteousness that others might see and come to the River too!

Two O'clock Saturday Morning

Two o’clock Saturday morning, for some unknown reason, i woke up and could not get back to sleep. For an hour i just laid in the darkness, lost in thought. Nothing profound-just going over my to-do list in my head, rehashing events from the day before and trying to remember the title of the crazy song that keeps playing its annoying self in my mind. Though my mind was busy nothing was getting accomplished. As the minutes ticked away my frustration began to mount. Then it occured to me that i should pray.

Three o’clock Saturday morning, i began to pray. It was as if God was asking me, “Child, what took you so long?”. He knew the answer but i had to hear it for myself, “I was so distracted that i forgot.” Isn’t that true in all our lives and not just at two o’clock in the morning when we can’t sleep? Things happen, problems arise and crises occur but instead of taking it to God we turn to distractions. To numb the discomfort or pain we go to the kitchen for a bag of chips or ice cream. To keep ourselves from looking at our circumstances we busy ourselves with endless activity. To avoid being “exposed” to others we withdraw to the television or the internet. Satan uses many distractions to isolate us and prevent us from experiencing freedom and healing. The longer he can keep us distracted the harder it becomes for us to hear God calling out, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” Please beware of the distractions in your life that isolate and take your focus off the One who gives you peace.

Four o’clock Saturday morning, i thanked God for opening my sleepy eyes to the distractions in my life and asked Him to help me to be more aware of them in the future. I know He is smiling at this time. Then the eyes that know no sleep watched me as i drifted off to sleep.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

God's Light Show

I should be in bed right now but i find myself lingering in the classroom, watching lightning light up the sky and listening to thunder rumble. This is what i call, "God's Light Show". It can be both frightening and beautiful at the same time. I guess that is part of my fascination with thunderstorms.
It reminds me of how powerful and awesome God is. He is also beautiful and majestic. Because of who He is and our very limited knowledge of Him we are sometimes frigthened by Him. But as we come to know Him through His Word and through prayer, as we earnestly seek to draw closer to God we gain a love and respect for Him that drives away ALL our fears.
I really should be going to bed right now but before i do will listen to the rain falling against the windows and on the roof. Then i will say a prayer of thanksgiving to the God who not only teaches me through His creation but who is also with me through the storms.

Rachel's Request

Rachel asked me tonight if i would memorize Psalm 1 with her. She has been working at memorization for quite some time now but this is the first time she has tried to memorize a whole chapter.
I have memorized Scripture in the past but have not been as comitted as i would like to be or as i know i should be. I have been praying that God would help me get motivated once again. Rachel's request is, to me, an answer to prayer.
Together Rachel and i will read and review, share and encourage as we hide God's Word in our hearts. We will hold each other accountable. The memories we make together will be priceless and i hope it is something we will continue to do in the years to come. I am also very interested in the various methods we employ to maximize the learning experience. Perhaps i will even share those methods here to help others wanting to memorize Scripture!
In closing tonight i would like to share Psalm 1. It always helps me to write it (or type it) as i visualize it.

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on His law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement,
nor sinners in th assembly of the righteous.

For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the wicked will perish.

Anyone who cares to join Rachel and me feel free to jump right in with us! And if you have any ideas to share that help you memorize Scripture we would love to hear from you.

More

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prohecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

It is only the beginning but it is enough to make me want more. More of God and His Word.
I have been praying that God would help me to hide His Word in my heart and this week i have seen Him do just that!
These verses from 1 Thessalonians seemed so easy to memorize. After a few minutes of repetition and writing it down on paper, it was imprinted on my heart. Since then i have been meditating on what these words mean and how they apply to me.
I will save that for another post. Until then i pray that whoever reads this will meditate on the words for themself and if you would like post your comments. I'd love to hear from you!

O my Lord, you have said, "Ask for whatever you wish and it will be done for you." Why is it that my heart is so little able to accept these words in their divine simplicity? Oh, help me see that what I need is nothing less than this promise to overcome the powers of the world and Satan! Teach me to pray in the faith of this Thy promise.
Andrew Murray

Father, I am beginning to know how much I miss when I fail to talk to thee in prayer, and through prayer to recieve into my life the strength and the guidance which only thou canst give. Forgive me for the pride and the presumption that make me continue to struggle to manage my own affairs to the exhaustion of my body, the weariness of my mind, the trial of my faith.
Let not, I pray, any future forgetfulness of mine, or a false sense of self-sufficiency, any spiritual laziness, or doubt of thy faithfulness keep me from taking everything to thee in prayer.
And now, I thank thee that the fresh breath of heaven is even now blowing away the close, damp air of all my failure, of every doubt and fear. I ask thee for that soul tonic of prayer that shall reburnish my faith, brighten my hope, revive and rekindle my love. In thy name, I pray. Amen.
Peter Marshall

Praise the God of Opportunity

Tonight i had the honor of meeting two brave ladies who will be doing the step study with me starting next week. I would have missed this wonderful opportunity had i let the enemy convince me that it was not worth the trouble to get out in the rain and cold with four children to go into town for a couple of hours. Oh, he tried every trick in the book-i have come to expect this of him. He reminded me my failures today and told me how unworthy i was to be around people who desire change and did not need me to waste their time. After listening to the accusations and lies(why do i listen?) it finally ocurred to me that he was trying awful hard to prevent me from going so it must be very important that i do go. It was with prayer and supplication that i headed out the door and it is with thanksgiving and praise that i share this experience now.
What a shame it would have been to have missed out. What a blessing to have gone and met these wonderful women! Now i have two more names to mention in my prayers tonight and faces to match. Thank You, Father, for every time i have needed encouragement and affirmation You have provided.
Yes Lord, You ARE in control!

Write From the Heart

Watching the fog roll in tonight with the children made me think of the mental fog that has been clouding my view for much too long. For months now i have been overwhelmed by events that have taken place in my life, busy with demands on my time(most of these demands are self-imposed, by the way) and confused by all my crazy conflicting emotions. It is no coincidence that i have not journaled consistently in months. Journaling is a very important part of my life. It is my prayer time. When i try to get down on my knees and speak my prayers i am so easily distracted and soon give up but when i get by myself for awhile and start writing my prayers, the words flow and it is not a monologue. As i write i am also listening. I truly feel God's presence as i journal. Many times i will fill several pages before i am done. Regardless of how i feel when i start to write i always feel at peace by the time i am done. It reminds me so much of the Psalms. I have always appreciated how the psalmist may have started out frustrated,depressed or angry but by the end of the Psalm he is singing God's praises. How beautiful! And how much like my own life i want that to be. To know that whatever i am facing in life i can take it to my Heavenly Father and He will hear me,love me and fill me with His peace. The situation may not go away and i may not have any answers but the One who does know gives me just what i need to stand firm. Back to the fog, after thinking these things over in my head, i dug up my journal and pen,closed myself inside my bedroom and started writing. It was kind of slow at first but i just poured my heart out to God and told Him of my anxieties and how i felt lonely,like giving up. With that out of my head and down on paper, God lifted the fog that has hindered me for so long. Hallejuah! Three pages later, as i finished writing, i made a promise to God not to let myself become so lost in thought that i feel i am drowning before i write again. Since writing is prayer for me i commit to do it everyday and more than just once a day. However He leads me i will write.

Distractions

The evidence of distraction is showing in my journal these days. Many days i have written nothing at all. Other days my writing is incomplete. Evidence of distraction is showing in other places as well. Perhaps the most obvious to everyone are the baskets of laundry that dot the dining room like a small mountain range. The clothes are clean, they just need to be folded and put in their proper places. This is not what i anticipated when Jeremy and i decided that i would be a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama. Niether did i anticipate the long, drawn out process of home remodeling. There are other distractions too, but the remodel is probably the biggest at this time and it is the one that affects the whole family most of all. Right now there are parts of our house that look like a winter wonderland but it is not snow that covers our walls and floors. It is sheetrock dust. Not only is this dust white like snow, it accumalates like snow and covers anything that is not covered. In fact, i have found dust in places i thought were protected. Wherever there is dust there is sneezing and dry eyes. I don't know if this has caused the rawness in my throat but i am sure it has contributed. All this coughing and sneezing has provided another distraction. This has also tired me to the point that i am ready to get in bed after lunch most days. Even though i have been going to bed earlier at night getting up in the morning is proving to be a challenge. The bed is so warm, the air is so cool and i am so tired. The perpetual to-do list in my head reminds me that i have no time for loafing, that i need to get rolling. Once i am out of bed i do have my quiet time even if it is only 10 minutes and from there it is breakfast and a few minutes of Wii fit then a shower. School consumes the next few hours until lunch. After lunch is prepared, eaten and cleared away it is housework, laundry and errand running. The day goes so quickly and there is no slowing down. The kids are in bed at 9 and for an hour i try to unwind by reading or praying but then there are those distractions again. Endless thoughts of what happened today and what needs to be done tomorrow. Distractions! They come in so many forms and steal so much of my time. I know everyone has them. So may i ask, "How do you deal with distractions?".

How do I Pray?

How do i pray for my food addiction? Do i pray for deliverance or do i pray for strength to bear? Is this the "thorn in the flesh" that i will always struggle with? Addiction, fear and anxiety keep me in prayer but i'm afraid i am not heeding the answer to those prayers. I fear that i may have to hit rock bottom before i truly learn my lesson. The thought scares me. Now i feel myself sinking deeper and deeper, my head is barely above the water and i am gasping for air. The harder i fight the more i drift. If i scream, will anyone hear me? I doubt i have the strength to try anyway. I want to rest, my mind and body are weary, but if i do rest i'll surely sink and be forgotten in the abyss. Could You tell me God, how do i pray?

As I Wait...

Though i am thoroughly convinced i am in waiting right now i'm not so sure exactly what it is i am waiting for but i feel it involves writing, photography, creativity and maybe even speaking. How can i make such a claim when at first i say i am not sure? I can say it because i have always dreamed of it and desired it while at the same time fearing it and believing i could never do it. Let's face it, i am not much of a talker. I get lost in a crowd and i am forever struggling with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. Then there is also the overwhelming fear of failure. And as much as i hate to admit it, i deal with an eating disorder, or food addiction. Whatever you call it i've got it and have had it for as long as i can remember. To say i am dealing with it actually is not true. A more accurate statement would be, i give into it. I pray about it, ask forgiveness for it, promise not give in so easily but continue to fail every time. My prayer now goes like this: "God, i want to make the promise to stay in Your arms but the crushing reality of all my broken promises in the past prevent me from making any such bold claims now. Please forgive me for my failures and lack of trust. Help me to choose faithfulness and to remain faithful as You are faithful to me." So what does this have to do with my present wait? Everything! Week 5 of "When Wallflowers Dance" is titled, "Until It's Your Turn" and it deals with the whole subject of waiting. Day 2 of week 5 instructs the reader to entrust and trust. We are to entrust to God whatever we consider valuable in our lives. Why is it so hard for me to entrust Him with my hopes and dreams, loneliness, fears, addiction and longing for friendship? When will i learn to stop looking for clarity and just trust Him? I believe that is where i am in this wait right now. Learning to entrust and trust. Unfortunately it feels my failure keeps sending me back to the end of the line. God asks me to wait patiently. If i am to do that i must trust Him completely; His purposes, His plans, His promises and His timing. To this i cry out, "Lord, help my unbelief!".

Weekend Challenge: #4

"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:25I used to wonder why it was so hard for me find and maintain friendships. It confused me why so many seemed to think of me as an odd combination of June Cleaver,Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa. As a wife and mother they thought i cooked every meal from scratch and kept an immaculate home while raising children who resembled the Brady Bunch. As a homemaker they figured i was creative and organized. While doing all of this, it also seemed i had the patience of a saint. Nothing could have been further from the truth. So where were people getting these ideas? I asked myself this question so many times, it didn't seem i would ever know the answer. Then i prayed and asked God to show me where the miscommunication was taking place. As it turns out I was the one giving everyone that impression! In my eagerness to have friends and to be a friend i was trying hard not to appear needy or too weak. I loved to listen to what others were saying about their lives and families but shared very little about myself. It is a fear thing but it is also very arrogant. Where i had sympathy and compassion for others and their struggles i had none for myself. What i finally realized i was saying was that it was okay for everyone else to struggle but i was supposed to be different somehow. This has not been a fun lesson, no one wants to think they are so arrogant but that is exactly what i have been. So instead of beating myself up, which has been the practice all my life, i am working on my communication skills. Sometimes it is the hardest thing for me to admit that i need help and then ask for it. But with much prayer and God's help i am learning. That is one item on on my list of areas where i am working to improve. Second on my list is getting exercise daily. This one just got a lot easier with the gift of a Wii Fit. Now i try to walk in the morning and in the afternoon i do a few minutes on the Wii. The kids and i are all enjoying it! Number three is getting to bed earlier and the last three nights have been successful. That makes it a lot easier to get up in the morning for my "quiet time"(something else i am trying to work at) and a walk. By the time i have taken my shower and had my breakfast i am in a much better frame of mind. There are other items to add to my list but for now i feel this is a good start.

First Question

"There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given the word of wisdom, through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills." 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 The first question in the weekend challenge asks what we think our gifts,talents and skills are. How do we believe God has equipped us? In my attempt to answer this question honestly and confidently, i have been reading through 1 Corinthians. Chapter 12 deals with the different spiritual gifts and their diversities. Earlier this year i took an online quiz to help determine what my gifts were. The end results showed that i am an exhorter and a server. I was really pleased with those results and felt they were quite accurate. For the longest, i kept the printout in my Bible. Now i can't find it. When i do find it again i will post the link for anyone who might be interested in taking the quiz for themselves. Anyway, i do feel pretty confident of my gifts. However, when it comes to my talents i am having to think a little harder and dig a little deeper. As someone who loves to listen to and encourage others i feel i am a much better listener than i am a speaker. I communicate much better with pen and paper or through the keyboard as i am doing now. So i guess you could say writing is one of my talents. There are others i am sure but i am having to pray and keep my eyes and ears open as God reveals them to me. And now we come to skills...again, this is something i am praying about. Well, so far i do believe this challenge is proving to be an eye opener. It is causing me to consider things that i have neglected to think about due to busyness, distraction or fear. This is one challenge for which i am very thankful. Hope everyone else can say the same. Anyone who cares to join us, jump right in!

Nine Years ago Today

Seems like just yesterday, But it is actually nine years today, God blessed me in such a sweet way. This little girl with big brown eyes and a headful of curls came into the world with a whimper and a cry and an outstretched hand. Immediately she took hold of her Daddy's heart and mine too. Now the curls are gone but the big brown eyes are the same and so is the hold on all our hearts. And though she is another year older she will always be my little girl. But first she is God's and that is good to know because though i love her so i can never love her like He. And on this "special" day i say another prayer of thanks for such a special girl. Happy Birthday Rachel. You are so loved.

Facing the Fear

,
The old saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for you just might get it." Well, the same can be said for prayer. "Be careful what you pray for you just might get it." This is so true for me right now. My prayer has been that God would help me confront my fears and with His help work through them. Since i have been saying this prayer God has continually been calling me out of my comfort zone. In one of my earlier posts i shared how fear has controlled me for so long. Since sharing that God has showed me just how much control i have given fear in my life. My first reaction is regret, then shame and then anger. With all these emotions building up inside i have turned to another old "frienemy", food. Prayer has become more difficult. Most days all i know to say is, "Help me, God." For awhile i believed God was cleaning His hands of me and turning me over to the sin i want so badly want to be freed of but lack the courage and faith to give over to Him. God is proving me wrong there. Instead, He is showing me how badly He disires my freedom as well. God has never stopped caring. He has never stopped listening and God has never stopped loving me. His love for me has never been based on my love for me or anyone else's love for me. What God is doing is preparing me and allowing me to see just how destructive my sin really is and in the process teaching me to lean on Him. I have tried so hard all my life to be strong on my own and hidden from everyone how insecure and frightened i really am. This has only made me weaker and more vulnerable. Now God is telling me to take down the walls and remove the masks. It isn't easy but He is getting me through. God is working on me. He tells me i am worth the time and He is redeeming the time i have wasted. In just the past couple of days God has called me to share with a close friend and with someone else i am only beginning to know,someone who has reached out to me and shown friendship despite the fact she hardly knows me. For these women i am very thankful and it is God to whom i am most grateful. No, He has not given up on me. And He asks that i do not give up either. Whatever He calls me to do in overcoming my fears it is by His strength i can do it!