The Present

There is no time like the present to say, "I love you".

No time like the present to show mercy and compassion.

There is no time like the present to forgive and to ask forgiveness.

No time like the present to let go of the past.

Now is the time to start being who God created you to be,

because the present is a gift He has given to open and let His love light the way to the future He has planned for you.

Why is Forgiveness so Difficult?

This question was posed on the Christian radio station that i listen to in the van. I really wanted to hear the answers of the viewers who called in but unfortunately i reached my destination before i got that chance.

It really got me thinking though and days later i am still thinking about it. Here are my thoughts:

I believe forgiveness is difficult because our memories come so easily, especially when we have been hurt or offended. Regardless of how much time may have passed, when we start remembering the emotions and the pain, whether it was physical or psychological, the memory seems so fresh. We may even bear scars-some heal, some don't. Some can be seen, others are buried inside. Whatever the pain, whatever the scars they are both very real.

Another reason i believe forgiveness is so difficult is that we confuse forgiveness with approval and we think that by forgiving someone we are condoning what they did. The fear is that the offense will be forgotten and justice will not be served.

For what it is worth that is my two cents. This is something that continues to make me think. I am sure i could say so much more about forgiveness and the difficulty of forgiving but i will just wrap it up by saying that without God's help forgiveness is impossible.

I hope to share more in the future...

What is Your Name?

Since changing my name to Charis, God has made me more aware of the grace that i show others. I believe that was His intent all along. Allow me to give the definition of charis one more time: charis-grace, grace of speech, good will, loving-kindness and thanks.

That is why i love the name. These are the very traits i’ve always wanted to posess. So Charis is more than a name to me, it is a way of life.

Now, when the spirit of judgement clouds my view; God whispers in my ear, “What is your name?”. It doesn’t take long for the condescending thoughts to disappear. I ask His forgiveness and He redirects my thinking. Mercy replaces judgement. When my children try my patience, as they often do, and i feel the frustration building; God is in my ear again, “What is your name?”. Sometimes i speak before i think and say things i have to go back and ask forgiveness for-from God and the children. Sometimes i pout, “But God…”. Either way i know He is right and i thank Him for reminding me that my name is cHarIS.

The Tongue as a Fire

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and is set on fire by hell." James 3:6 As promised, i wrote James 3 tonight. After a day of dealing with loud,boisterous children i was dreading looking into what James had to say to the likes of me but i knew i had to do it. God is teaching me and if i run from His instruction i will never learn. So when the kids went to bed early i knew what i was going to do. I have to admit i had been looking forward to their bedtime today because it has been one of those days when frustration has gotten the best of me and my mouth. I don't know how many times i have had to go back and put out fires that i have started with careless,angry words. Of course, the damage had already been done but maybe it was lessened a bit as i confessed my foolishness by not guarding my lips. Children can be so forgiving just as the Father is forgiving but i sure am tired of my tongue being used as an instrument of unrighteousness. Yet the choice is mine to make. How will i choose tomorrow and the next day and in all the days to come? Help me, Lord to remember the sin shall not have dominion over me as long as i am living under Your grace. "And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace." Romans 6:13&14

As I Wait...

Though i am thoroughly convinced i am in waiting right now i'm not so sure exactly what it is i am waiting for but i feel it involves writing, photography, creativity and maybe even speaking. How can i make such a claim when at first i say i am not sure? I can say it because i have always dreamed of it and desired it while at the same time fearing it and believing i could never do it. Let's face it, i am not much of a talker. I get lost in a crowd and i am forever struggling with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. Then there is also the overwhelming fear of failure. And as much as i hate to admit it, i deal with an eating disorder, or food addiction. Whatever you call it i've got it and have had it for as long as i can remember. To say i am dealing with it actually is not true. A more accurate statement would be, i give into it. I pray about it, ask forgiveness for it, promise not give in so easily but continue to fail every time. My prayer now goes like this: "God, i want to make the promise to stay in Your arms but the crushing reality of all my broken promises in the past prevent me from making any such bold claims now. Please forgive me for my failures and lack of trust. Help me to choose faithfulness and to remain faithful as You are faithful to me." So what does this have to do with my present wait? Everything! Week 5 of "When Wallflowers Dance" is titled, "Until It's Your Turn" and it deals with the whole subject of waiting. Day 2 of week 5 instructs the reader to entrust and trust. We are to entrust to God whatever we consider valuable in our lives. Why is it so hard for me to entrust Him with my hopes and dreams, loneliness, fears, addiction and longing for friendship? When will i learn to stop looking for clarity and just trust Him? I believe that is where i am in this wait right now. Learning to entrust and trust. Unfortunately it feels my failure keeps sending me back to the end of the line. God asks me to wait patiently. If i am to do that i must trust Him completely; His purposes, His plans, His promises and His timing. To this i cry out, "Lord, help my unbelief!".

Forgiveness

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 Chapter 4 of "The Creative Call" deals with forgiveness. I don't know how many times i thought i have forgiven those who have hurt or offended me only to have resentment rise up and smack me in the face when i least expect it. As i read through this chapter many of those past hurts have resurfaced again. One of the first things we are instructed to do in the book is to write the names of people i need to forgive and then we are to write a letter to one of those people telling him or her what they have done to discourage my dream of becoming an artist. My list really wasn' t very long-4 names to be exact. One of those names is my own. I have been stalling on writing the letter because i couldn't decide which would be most beneficial. It probably doesn't matter anyway because i would be the only person to ever see the letter but i do have a way of making things more difficult than they need to be. Finally, i decided to take the matter to God in my quiet time this morning. As i wrote my thoughts down in my journal the realization came to me that the grievances i held against these people were the same grievances i hold against myself. The hurtful things they said or did are the same as i said or did against myself. Maybe their actions were even motivated by the same emotions i feel: fear, overwhelm and uncertainty. From this perspective i do feel more compassion than resentment and with compassion comes forgiveness. While i am not all there yet, i do feel hopeful. I am also hopeful that God will take care of my overwhelming feelings as long as i take them to Him first.

A Book, a Blog and Inspiration

The inspiration for charis-ma comes from this book, "The Creative Call", by Janice Elsheimer. Elsheimer is a creative writing and language arts teacher and her purpose in writing "The Creative Call" was to help the artist realize his or her talents and draw closer to God, who has given us the gift of creativity. The book is set up to be used individually or in a group. There are eight weeks worth of reading and writing exercises. At the end of the eight weeks the reader is treated to a guide for an artist retreat. I am presently starting my fourth week which deals with forgiveness. Trust me when i say God is working on me through this book. When i started "The Creative Call" i expected to learn more about myself and God's intended purpose for the gifts and talents He gave me. What i did not expect was how God would use the book to open conversation with so many others who say they enjoy drawing, sewing and other creative pusuits but they do not consider themselves creative or artistic. As someone who has believed this way myself for many years i have been fascinated by their stories. As God opens my eyes to the potential He has given me and as He encourages me i want to encourage others as well. Charis-ma gives me that opportunity. This is my place to share my growth as an artist with anyone interested. Here i will also share my struggles,hopes,dreams and whatever may help those who stop to read. I will also share what inspires me, whether it is music,quotes or articles-whatever the source of inspiration if it can be shared i will post it here! Of course, this would not be much of a creative blog if i did not share my own creative works as well. There may not be a whole lot of that right now but as God works on me that will change. If you have made it this far into my first post i am grateful and also hopeful that you will be back to enjoy charis-ma. Please visit often and let me know how you like your stay here!