A Gift for Rachel

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

A picture may be worth a thousand words but still leave a person speechless and that is how i am feeling as i look at this picture.Some will look at this picture and see a pretty little girl with a doll but i see the goodness of God expressed through an unexpected gift from an anonymous friend.
The package arrived in the mail yesterday, much to everyone's surprise, and it was addressed to Rachel. The family gathered around as Rachel eagerly opened the box to reveal the contents inside. What she uncovered is the doll you see proudly displayed in the picture above. Her name is Felicity and she is an American Girl. Rachel is a big fan of the American Girl series, so to say she was excited would be putting it very mildly. Felicity came with a horse and several beautiful dresses. Also enclosed in the package was a letter that read:

Hello, my name is Felicity.
Sometimes blessings come in different ways. It doesn't really matter from where or how---you're just supposed to say thank you to the giver of all good things, the Lord.
Please love me and take good care of me.
I want to be your very best friend!
Love, Felicity

It is the message of this letter that comes to mind as i see Rachel in this picture and watch her play with Felicity. Felicity is Rachel's gift but she has been a blessing to Jeremy and me as well. To think someone would go to such lengths to make our little girl's eyes light up because they knew it would mean so much to her brought tears to our own eyes.
Thank You, Father for the gift You have given Rachel in the form of a doll named Felicity and thank You for the gift of friendship. I pray that this sweet soul will be blessed as You have blessed us through them.

As I Wait...

Though i am thoroughly convinced i am in waiting right now i'm not so sure exactly what it is i am waiting for but i feel it involves writing, photography, creativity and maybe even speaking. How can i make such a claim when at first i say i am not sure? I can say it because i have always dreamed of it and desired it while at the same time fearing it and believing i could never do it. Let's face it, i am not much of a talker. I get lost in a crowd and i am forever struggling with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. Then there is also the overwhelming fear of failure. And as much as i hate to admit it, i deal with an eating disorder, or food addiction. Whatever you call it i've got it and have had it for as long as i can remember. To say i am dealing with it actually is not true. A more accurate statement would be, i give into it. I pray about it, ask forgiveness for it, promise not give in so easily but continue to fail every time. My prayer now goes like this: "God, i want to make the promise to stay in Your arms but the crushing reality of all my broken promises in the past prevent me from making any such bold claims now. Please forgive me for my failures and lack of trust. Help me to choose faithfulness and to remain faithful as You are faithful to me." So what does this have to do with my present wait? Everything! Week 5 of "When Wallflowers Dance" is titled, "Until It's Your Turn" and it deals with the whole subject of waiting. Day 2 of week 5 instructs the reader to entrust and trust. We are to entrust to God whatever we consider valuable in our lives. Why is it so hard for me to entrust Him with my hopes and dreams, loneliness, fears, addiction and longing for friendship? When will i learn to stop looking for clarity and just trust Him? I believe that is where i am in this wait right now. Learning to entrust and trust. Unfortunately it feels my failure keeps sending me back to the end of the line. God asks me to wait patiently. If i am to do that i must trust Him completely; His purposes, His plans, His promises and His timing. To this i cry out, "Lord, help my unbelief!".

Weekend Challenge: #4

"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:25I used to wonder why it was so hard for me find and maintain friendships. It confused me why so many seemed to think of me as an odd combination of June Cleaver,Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa. As a wife and mother they thought i cooked every meal from scratch and kept an immaculate home while raising children who resembled the Brady Bunch. As a homemaker they figured i was creative and organized. While doing all of this, it also seemed i had the patience of a saint. Nothing could have been further from the truth. So where were people getting these ideas? I asked myself this question so many times, it didn't seem i would ever know the answer. Then i prayed and asked God to show me where the miscommunication was taking place. As it turns out I was the one giving everyone that impression! In my eagerness to have friends and to be a friend i was trying hard not to appear needy or too weak. I loved to listen to what others were saying about their lives and families but shared very little about myself. It is a fear thing but it is also very arrogant. Where i had sympathy and compassion for others and their struggles i had none for myself. What i finally realized i was saying was that it was okay for everyone else to struggle but i was supposed to be different somehow. This has not been a fun lesson, no one wants to think they are so arrogant but that is exactly what i have been. So instead of beating myself up, which has been the practice all my life, i am working on my communication skills. Sometimes it is the hardest thing for me to admit that i need help and then ask for it. But with much prayer and God's help i am learning. That is one item on on my list of areas where i am working to improve. Second on my list is getting exercise daily. This one just got a lot easier with the gift of a Wii Fit. Now i try to walk in the morning and in the afternoon i do a few minutes on the Wii. The kids and i are all enjoying it! Number three is getting to bed earlier and the last three nights have been successful. That makes it a lot easier to get up in the morning for my "quiet time"(something else i am trying to work at) and a walk. By the time i have taken my shower and had my breakfast i am in a much better frame of mind. There are other items to add to my list but for now i feel this is a good start.