Peace From the Pieces

In our sorrow we look at our lives and see brokeness. Broken promises,broken hearts and broken dreams. We try to pick up the pieces on our own only to find it hurts too much. As we mourn what could have been and what should have been we are convinced nothing good can come from these fragments. The old familiar voice of condemnation screams with hateful vengence, “You are ugly and worthless! You will NEVER be good enough!”.

But above the angry shouts there is a whisper, “Beloved, give me the pieces and let me show you just how beautiful you are.” Could it be true? Will you allow yourself to hope,to trust? There is such tenderness in that quiet voice and at the same time such great authority. You hear it again and it is like sweet music to your longing soul. Now the gentle voice says, ”I created you in my image and gave my only Son to die for you.”

Suddenly you realize the desperate voice of the accuser is growing smaller and smaller while the voice of the Master becomes clearer and clearer. Falling to your knees,you cry out,”I do believe!” Your hands tremble as you lift the shattered pieces to Him. Finally there is peace as you feel the burden lifted. Then the Father says,”Look,my child.” And before your very eyes are the pieces you once despised-God has used them to make a mosaic and you are His Masterpiece!

O my Lord, you have said, "Ask for whatever you wish and it will be done for you." Why is it that my heart is so little able to accept these words in their divine simplicity? Oh, help me see that what I need is nothing less than this promise to overcome the powers of the world and Satan! Teach me to pray in the faith of this Thy promise.
Andrew Murray

As I Wait...

Though i am thoroughly convinced i am in waiting right now i'm not so sure exactly what it is i am waiting for but i feel it involves writing, photography, creativity and maybe even speaking. How can i make such a claim when at first i say i am not sure? I can say it because i have always dreamed of it and desired it while at the same time fearing it and believing i could never do it. Let's face it, i am not much of a talker. I get lost in a crowd and i am forever struggling with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. Then there is also the overwhelming fear of failure. And as much as i hate to admit it, i deal with an eating disorder, or food addiction. Whatever you call it i've got it and have had it for as long as i can remember. To say i am dealing with it actually is not true. A more accurate statement would be, i give into it. I pray about it, ask forgiveness for it, promise not give in so easily but continue to fail every time. My prayer now goes like this: "God, i want to make the promise to stay in Your arms but the crushing reality of all my broken promises in the past prevent me from making any such bold claims now. Please forgive me for my failures and lack of trust. Help me to choose faithfulness and to remain faithful as You are faithful to me." So what does this have to do with my present wait? Everything! Week 5 of "When Wallflowers Dance" is titled, "Until It's Your Turn" and it deals with the whole subject of waiting. Day 2 of week 5 instructs the reader to entrust and trust. We are to entrust to God whatever we consider valuable in our lives. Why is it so hard for me to entrust Him with my hopes and dreams, loneliness, fears, addiction and longing for friendship? When will i learn to stop looking for clarity and just trust Him? I believe that is where i am in this wait right now. Learning to entrust and trust. Unfortunately it feels my failure keeps sending me back to the end of the line. God asks me to wait patiently. If i am to do that i must trust Him completely; His purposes, His plans, His promises and His timing. To this i cry out, "Lord, help my unbelief!".

Twenty Years

It has been almost exactly two weeks since Uncle W.L passed away unexpectedly. Until last week i hadn't seen him, my aunt and cousins in over twenty years. Many things were said about my uncle at his funeral. Much was said of his contributions and accomplishments, all of which made me very proud. I know i was not the only one who felt this way. Because of the soft-spoken, gentle man he was, i believe Uncle W.L. would have been most touched by what was shared by his children and nephew who spoke of the man i remembered. They are the ones who shared accounts of the loving husband and father and Godly man. They also remembered his sense of humor. These were the very things i appreciated most about him. As i listened to everyone share i was so impressed with the legacy that this humble man left his family. I hope and pray that i will be able to do the same when my time here is done. Another thing that struck me is the sad fact that it took my uncle's passing to bring our families together again after all these years. Upon hearing the news of Uncle W.L.'s death my thoughts turned to Aunt Sue,Linda,David and Michael. Because of the distance between us; we lived in Alabama, then Tennessee while they lived in Florida, we didn't see each other a lot but when we did see each other we always enjoyed our time together. Pretty soon we grew up,had families of our own and moved in other directions. Before either of us realized it, twenty years had passed. Our time before and after the funeral was too brief and then it was time to go our seperate ways again but not before promising to keep in touch. It is my sincere hope that we all live up to our promises before another twenty years passes us by.