A Prayer for Restoration

Where is my faith? Where is my peace? Where is my joy? And where is my hope? All i really want, all i truly need can only be found in You. Apart from You i have no faith, no peace, no joy and i have no hope.

Why am i so fearful? Troubled? Downcast? Why do i feel so anxious?

Instead of running to You i find myself running from You.

I ask myself why i do this when i know that anything i put before You will only rob me of my joy and steal my peace. You want to restore these things to me and revive in me a calm heart and quiet spirit.

Still i find myself running...running away from You.

All i have to do is call Your name and You are there but the distractions are too much for me to bear. I wasn't meant to bear them alone but i keep trying...and it is a losing battle and i know it.

Finally i find myself, weary from the struggle. So tired of doing on my own-only to fail again.

Lord, i am calling on You now. My voice is weak but i know You hear me just the same.

Please lift me from this pit i have dug for myself and put my feet back on solid ground.

I need You, Lord. The battle is Yours and i am Yours too.

Looking Ahead

With the end of the school year only a couple of weeks away the kids and i are anticipating all the activites planned for this summer.
We will be starting the season with VBS and church camp. Then there is art camp, field trips and play dates with friends. There other activities we hope to participate in like reading programs, movies at the drive-in and bike rides in the park.
While these things are all good and i am really looking forward to all of them i do intend to start each day in quiet time and prayer. In the hours that the children are in VBS and other endeavors i plan to take advantage of the peace and quiet to spend time in meditation and reflection.
I am missing creative time as well. So much of my time in the last year has been spent running and doing. So little of my time has been spent just listening to God. It is time to slow down and change that. God is the One who inspires creativity and gives peace. Time without Him saps creativity and destroys peace.
What i desire more than anything else right now is to spend my time drawing closer to God, enjoying my relationship with Him and with others He has blessed my life with. In doing these things i know it is going to be a really great summer and an awesome time of growth in Him. I pray that i will stick to this plan and continue through every season of my life.

Spiritual Fruitiness

“He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall propser.” Psalm 1:3

Sometimes i can be a bad apple, sometimes a real lemon. On a good day you might say i am peachy keen. Good or bad i am bearing fruit of some kind. If i am to be known by my “fruitiness” let it be the fruits of the Spirit that they see in me.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Galatians 5:22

Peace From the Pieces

In our sorrow we look at our lives and see brokeness. Broken promises,broken hearts and broken dreams. We try to pick up the pieces on our own only to find it hurts too much. As we mourn what could have been and what should have been we are convinced nothing good can come from these fragments. The old familiar voice of condemnation screams with hateful vengence, “You are ugly and worthless! You will NEVER be good enough!”.

But above the angry shouts there is a whisper, “Beloved, give me the pieces and let me show you just how beautiful you are.” Could it be true? Will you allow yourself to hope,to trust? There is such tenderness in that quiet voice and at the same time such great authority. You hear it again and it is like sweet music to your longing soul. Now the gentle voice says, ”I created you in my image and gave my only Son to die for you.”

Suddenly you realize the desperate voice of the accuser is growing smaller and smaller while the voice of the Master becomes clearer and clearer. Falling to your knees,you cry out,”I do believe!” Your hands tremble as you lift the shattered pieces to Him. Finally there is peace as you feel the burden lifted. Then the Father says,”Look,my child.” And before your very eyes are the pieces you once despised-God has used them to make a mosaic and you are His Masterpiece!

Treasure

And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of things he posesses.” Luke 12:15

How often do we look with envy at people who “have it all” according to the world’s standards? Wealth, money, fame…all the worldly posessions they desire, it seems, are right there at their fingertips. Yet what they truly seek: peace, joy, love and salvation elude them because their treasures are in earthly things and their lives are miserable. The world tells us we should strive to be one of these people. But is this what we really want?

Now consider those who are “poor” according to the world’s standards. They have little money, no fancy homes and their names are not well known. They are missionaries in far away lands. They are Christians being persecuted in foreign countries and they are people all around who put God and others before themselves. How can these men, women and children be so happy when they have so little and so many of them are suffering? It is because they have so much more than we can see in this present life. Their treasure is not here where it will rust, fade or be taken away. No, their treasure is in Heaven where it can never be destroyed or taken away. It is an eternal treasure, given by the the eternal, loving Father, God.

Now which treasure will we strive for? Will we covet the things of this world that do not last and bring more misery than they are worth or do we store up our treasures in Heaven that truly bring about abundant life? The choice is yours.

What to do?

Finally. A few moments of peace and quiet at the end of what has been a busy day in the midst of a hectic week.
It is during the crazy times such as this that i long for a less demanding schedule. But then i wonder what i would do if i had nowhere to go and nothing pressing to do.
Tonight was the last of the children's soccer games and next week will be our last week of school. It is difficult to say who is more excited, the children or me.
We all have some pretty big plans for our summer vacation. To keep our minds sharp we will continue our studies without the structured classroom setting. Trips to the library, parks and other places will provide nice, stimulating outings when we need them. There is also a week of VBS that everyone is looking forward to.
I am hoping to make lots of pictures and paint some masterpieces! I'm just kidding about the masterpieces but i am hoping to break out the paper, pencils and watercolors and see what kind of creations come from the inner artist who is screaming to be let out. My reading list is also growing and i want to start reading some of the many titles collecting on that list. I would also like to start writing and blogging again regularly. There is way too much on my mind to keep it all locked up inside.
Well, with all the plans we have summer should be anything but dull. And you know how plans are...there are sure to be some surprises along the way. The next few weeks should be interesting and i am looking forward to making the most of every one of them!

In the Shepherd's Hands

This week has been somewhat of an exercise in perserverance for me. Since going through my latest round of depression writing has become diffficult for me. Even as i take medication to balance those unruly chemicals i still struggle with expressing thoughts that are clearer now. Is this making any sense? If it is i don't see it yet.
On Monday i decided i was going to start writing again. It has been a slow process but believe it or not i do believe it is helping. Not everyday has been a writing day but in some way i have been able to express some of what i am feeling. On Wednesday it was a simple picture of a moth i found outside in the mud. I was fascinated by this moth because though it was surrounded by muck and mire it did not succumb to it's dire surroundings. After a few minutes of watching the moth work it's wings i witnessed it's flight. I want to be like that moth and rise above. That is what i was saying when i posted the picture.
Last night i was feeling anxious. It started with the accelerated heartbeat. The harder and faster it beat the more restless i became. In my mind i was trying to find the source of my anxiety but could find nothing. I tried my breathing techniques which worked for a while but the anxiety returned after a few minutes. By the kids bedtime i was more than ready for a few moments of peace and quiet. I wanted to write but couldn't. Then i remembered the picture of the Shepherd's hands that i had taken last summer at a friends house. The cool thing is i had been reading from Psalm 23 that morning. I believe God was telling me to bring my anxiety to Him. So with that i posted the picture and reminded myself that i was and am still in His loving hands. With that i went back and did what i should have done in the first place-i imagined myself in His arms as i told Him of my anxiety and worries.
This morning i am feeling much better. Will the anxiety return? It might. But if it does return i will not hold on to it so long. Instead i will put it into the mighty and capable hands of the God who loves and cares for me.
He is in control!

God's Reminders

It has been a month of ups(birthdays and celebration)and downs(sinus infections,sore throats and raspy voices). It has been a month of highs(in the 70's)and lows(in the teens). It has also been a month of lots of running and lots of rain. In all this hustle and bustle we have even managed to strip the kitchen floor of 3 layers of linoleum and finish the living room remodel...for the most part anyway. As much as i hate to admit it we did not get the Christmas tree up until Tuesday of last week.
Just recounting the events of the last four weeks wearies me. No wonder my mood has so often matched the weather that has dominated these days, gray and dark. Anyone reading this can imagine how busy i have been. Unfortunately in my busyness i have neglected my quiet time in the mornings, opting instead to roll back over in the comfort of my nice warm bed. It doesn't take too many mornings of this before anxiety and the feelings of overwhelm set in.
One night, before crawling in bed exhausted, i prayed and asked God to remind me of my need of Him to help me get up in the morning and back into His presence. Suddenly it hit me...that is what He was doing all along! All the anxiety and depression, all the feelings of being overwhelmed-all were reminders of the relationship i was neglecting-my relationship with my Heavenly Father. The two weeks since haven't always been easy but they have been rewarding as my quiet time has resumed and God is preparing me each day for whatever comes my way.
My days are still filled with activity. That may never change. But what has changed is my attitude and the way i face life's challenges. What is making that change is the few moments of quiet before the start of each day when i sit in the Father's presence and He fills me with His peace. I am so grateful for God's little reminders and pray i do not forget.

What the Sunrise Taught me

I have a very busy weekend ahead. Rachel's slumber party is tonight, we are going to a picnic tomorrow afternoon, friends are coming by tomorrow evening and family will be visiting on Sunday. Though i am looking forward to the times of fellowship with friends and family i am also intimidated by my "to do" list for the coming days. This morning as i was going over my mental checklist and pouring my heart out to God i noticed an orange glow coming from behind me. I turned to see the sun rising above the hill down the road from the house. Though it only took a couple of minutes to rise above the hill and the trees there was never a moment where it seemed rushed. My eyes were on the sun that whole time but before i knew it it was illuminating the sky. In this moment i was assured that the same caring Creator who orchestrates the sun's ascension in the morning also lovingly directs my steps throughout the days. That knowledge fills me with such peace as i once again review my to do list and anticipate the weekend ahead.