Sweet Friend

You’ve been silent too long, sweet friend; now raise your voice and sing again. No one else can do this quite the way you can, because this song is just for you; written by the Father above and created with so much love. So, if at first you sing off key, just look to Him and you will see-He will guide you with each note and every beat. The Father will direct your steps too. So get up and dance! However you feel led to express the song He has put in your heart, just do it with the joy of the Lord and you will do well. Now others are waiting to hear your song-stand up, sweet friend and sing sing sing!

Peace From the Pieces

In our sorrow we look at our lives and see brokeness. Broken promises,broken hearts and broken dreams. We try to pick up the pieces on our own only to find it hurts too much. As we mourn what could have been and what should have been we are convinced nothing good can come from these fragments. The old familiar voice of condemnation screams with hateful vengence, “You are ugly and worthless! You will NEVER be good enough!”.

But above the angry shouts there is a whisper, “Beloved, give me the pieces and let me show you just how beautiful you are.” Could it be true? Will you allow yourself to hope,to trust? There is such tenderness in that quiet voice and at the same time such great authority. You hear it again and it is like sweet music to your longing soul. Now the gentle voice says, ”I created you in my image and gave my only Son to die for you.”

Suddenly you realize the desperate voice of the accuser is growing smaller and smaller while the voice of the Master becomes clearer and clearer. Falling to your knees,you cry out,”I do believe!” Your hands tremble as you lift the shattered pieces to Him. Finally there is peace as you feel the burden lifted. Then the Father says,”Look,my child.” And before your very eyes are the pieces you once despised-God has used them to make a mosaic and you are His Masterpiece!

The Morning Symphony

“For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.” Romans 8:19
When i awoke this morning i heard a wonderful sound. The house was quiet. Everyone else was sleeping still. That is how i was able to hear. It came from outside my window and it was the sound of creation praising God!
The trees stood tall, their uplifted branches swaying in the breeze sang,”Raise your hands and worship the Creator of heaven and earth!”. The surrounding hills joined in the chorus. Their voices were deep and resonated with strength,”No one is greater than He!”. The changing colors of the morning sky reminded me,”His mercies are new every morning.”(Lam.3:23) As the sun began to rise, it sang with a voice so sweet,”The glory of the Lord shines over you!”(Isaiah 60:1) The wind blew,making the winchimes dance, “Make a joyful noise to the Lord!”(Ps. 100:1) it said. I was enjoying this delightful symphony when the rocks cried out, “Don’t keep silent, praise the Lord yourself.” (Luke 19:40) So that is what i did and i will continue to sing praises to my God and King. Will you join me today

Missing You

I missed you in church today. I was there but you did not see me. I called out to you but you did not hear me. You were rushed when you came in and continued to fret as you took a place in the pew. The music started but it was too loud for your taste. The choir wasn’t loud enough and the songs were either too fast or too slow. The woman in front of you clapped her hands out of sync. The man behind you sang off key. You forced a smile as you shook the hands of those nearby but you did not notice the small hand of the little boy who stood by your side. The sermon was too long and the preacher was too dry. Sniffs from across the aisle annoyed you but what you did not know was that they came from a couple weeping together over the words of hope that you were too distracted to hear. The invitation was given and you studied your watch. Your stomach was growling and all you could think about was lunch. So you did not see the woman in front of you and the man behind you go forward. You wished the boy beside you would be still and stop whispering to his parents. When he was still and quiet you didn’t even realize he and his parents had gone forward too. The couple across the aisle also got up and walked hand in hand toward the altar. They all saw me and heard me but you did not. The service ended and you hurried out the door to your car and on your way. Are you missing me like I am missing you today?

ch...ch...ch...Changes!

With all the changes in my life these days i felt it was time to change the look of my blog too. It is something i have wanted to do for a while but i just figured i didn't have the time or it would be too complicated for my technologically unadvanced mine. Was i glad to be proven wrong.
Now this change was not something i took lightly. First, i scrolled through as many backgrounds as i could find. Some were a little too fancy for my taste. Others just didn't appeal to me at all. Then i came across the one you see here. I loved it because it reminded me of the elements of nature that i love so much: water, earth and sky. As you can probably tell from the pictures i post i love being outside. When i listen to the wind in the trees and watch water flow and cascade over rocks or observe butterflies frolic among the flowers i believe God is maybe showing off for me a bit and teaching me valuable lessons as i explore this world around me.
Even the colors i chose represent aspects of nature, like brown for soil, purple and pink for the sky as it changes color in the early morning and as the sun goes down in the evening.
The Scripture i placed under the title is an answer to prayer. New Year's Eve morning during my quiet time i asked God to give me verses of encouragement for the new year. Minutes after saying that prayer i came across Zephaniah 3:17 in my Bible study. "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Reading it that first time was enough to convince me this was God's answer. I have written it in my journal, printed it on my calendar and i even posted it on my Facebook wall. It has come encouraged me in so many ways as i think of God standing beside me, rescuing me, rejoicing over me and singing over me. Now i can definitely dance to that!
Speaking of dancing, do you hear that music? Yes, i also got my playlist to play like i want it to. Yay!
As i have mentioned before i do love music...all kinds of music. And this is a small sampling of some of my favorites. The titles will probably change from time to time and i do hope to share my thoughts on the different songs. That is something i had intended to do anyway but have not kept up with it like i had hoped. Looks like another change is about to take place.
Well, that appears to be it for now...but you never know with change. If and when that might change i will let you know.

Got Passion?

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"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17 Question #2: Interests and passions: What do you enjoy doing most? If you had a free day to yourself, what would you be found doing? It comes as no suprise that my interests and passions all invlove using the gifts, talents and skills listed in my answer to the first question. Exhortation and service: i love listening to people as they speak. I really am interested in hearing their stories,hopes and anything else they want to share. I used to wish i talked more but i am starting to realize that sometimes people just want to be heard. They aren't necessarliy looking for me to come back with answers or quick responses. I thank Jeremy and Tonya for helping me come to this realization. Being a listener helps me to better serve, which is something else i love to do. I also love to read. Fiction,non-fiction,biographical,poetry...you name it i'll read it! Books are like friends to me. They teach and inspire me. Then there is my love for music, dance, writing, photography, creating and nature. Could i fit all of this into just one day? If i sit here much longer i am sure i can think of more to add to this list but it has been fun to think about. The sad thing is that it has taken this challenge to help me consider my passions. After so many years of trying to be what i thought others thought i should be i lost sight of who God created me to be. Now i just want to focus on becoming that woman.

Rock Music

As i neared the end of my evening walk a couple of nights ago, i turned off the music i had been listening to and tucked the earplugs into my pocket. It seemed like a good idea to walk the last few minutes in silence. The quiet was very nice and the breeze was so inviting, it made me wonder why i didn't do this sooner and try it more often. All of this was going through my mind while i strolled along. Then...i heard it. At first i thought it might be from someone passing by or a neighbor down the street. I stopped in my tracks and looked around...nothing. With a shrug of my shoulders, i started again...and so did the music. I pulled my earphones back out to make sure i wasn't hearing my own radio. It was still off but the music was getting louder! Determined to solve this mystery once and for all, i decided to follow the sounds. My search led me right to the front of the house where some gravel had accumulated by the front steps. Now i really couldn't believe my ears, the rocks were singing! I don't know how long i just stood there in amazement and disbelief. The music was beautiful and the voices were strong as they sang praises to God. Some sang of the strength of the Lord, some sang of His works and others sang of His greatness. All the voices combined to make a most joyful noise. I wanted to hear more but the rocks heard me and though they had no eyes i could see they were aware of my presence. Finally, the bigger rock spoke, "Why are you hanging around here?". "Please forgive me, i didn't mean to interrupt, but the music you make is beautiful. May i hear more?", was my reply. "Well, we rocks do love to sing and we appreciate your compliment, but we are only doing what you should be doing yourself." I knew what the rock meant without him having to explain but he continued anyway. "Don't you realize how blessed you are to belong to the Creator, who makes all things beautiful?". Guilt washed over me. I knew he was right. I am blessed. "Do you know how much He loves you and all that He has given to show His love for you?". Yes, i am loved. More than i could ever even know, that is how much He loves me. "The same God who blesses you and loves you is also awesome and mighty!". I could not believe i was being preached to...by a rock! But he was no dumb rock and i felt ashamed because i knew he was right. Before i could even respond, he said to me, "We rocks would now like to hear you sing!". At first, my voice was shaky and my words uncertain but as i continued, my voice grew stronger and louder. The words started to flow. Then...i started to dance! It was starting to get dark by this point but i didn't want to stop. The rocks seemed to be enjoying my joyful noise too. They didn't mind a bit that i sang off key. More importantly, i knew my Father was blessed as well. When i finally came in that night i was still singing. As i write this now i smile, thinking of this experience i have shared with you. Now tell me friend, would you join me in making some "rock music" for our God and King?
"I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out." Luke 19:40

Learning to Dance

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It has been almost a week since i last shared and in some ways the time has flown by, while in other ways it seems to be at a standstill. Many lessons are still being learned by this student who continues to watch the dancefloor but is starting to tap her toes. The music sounds so sweet and the One inviting me to dance is so patient and loving. Mixed in with the music i hear the prayers and encouraging words of friends, now i am swaying to the rythm. From behind me, somewhere in the shadows, comes another familiar voice. It is the one that says, "You can't dance! Your legs are too weak and your feet are like clay. Come back to this wall where no one will see you, it is where you need to stay!". For a moment i stand frozen, paralyzed by the harshness of the voice and the coldness of those words. I am embarassed and feel so foolish. Then i notice others standing around me. I expect to hear jeers and see condenscention in their eyes. My eyes are on the floor. Then i hear a cheer. One voice at first and then it is joined by more voices...and they are cheering for me! "Don't listen to the lies," they say, "but look to the One who is inviting you to the dance!". It is His voice i hear as i turn as i turn to look into His eyes. There are tears in His eyes just as there are in mine. His voice is loving but firm, "Get up and dance, child, this is the song i created for you. Just take my hand and follow my lead. I love you and I want to see you dance!". At first i feel awkward and clumsy but i am strengthened by His embrace. The Lord of the dance has me in His arms and this is where i want to stay.

Remember the Little Girl

I asked God this week exactly when i stopped dancing. When did fear rob me of my sense of adventure and turn me into the wallflower who desperately wants to be noticed but is so afraid of being seen? The thought that kept coming to me was this, "Remember the little girl". One thing i have never been able to forget is the little girl. That little girl was and is me. Though by all outward appearances i am a woman, the little girl is still trapped inside. This little girl stopped dancing the day Grandmama died. I was 8 years old. Grandmama was my world, my best friend and the one who always told me i could do or be anything i put my mind to. She made me feel beautiful and special. Grandmama also nurtured my love for music and dance. She paid for my dance lessons and sewed my costumes for recital. At Christmas she would play "Little Drummer Boy" over and over for me. She must have tired of it but because i loved the song and requested it time after time whe would patiently pick up the needle and place it in just the right spot and the music would start all over again. My last memory of Grandmama is of walking through the airport, where we took her and Grandaddy to board a plane for California to visit my cousins. It was her birthday and Mama had baked her a cake so we had a little celebration before leaving for the airport. As Grandmama and i walked through the airport we were making plans of things we do when she returned. We never got the chance. Grandmama died of a stroke as their plane flew over Texas. Mama and Daddy woke my sister and me with the news. A lot of what happened after that is a blur. I went to the funeral home to see Grandmama one last time and she looked like she was sleeping. Two women behind me whispered, "She wants to touch her". Funny, the things i remember so many years later. I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't, it hurt too much. Mama told me i would regret it if i did not go. She was right but i couldn't see that at the time. All i did know was that i was hurting very deeply and it is a hurt i have never overcome but with the passage of time the hurt has become such a part of me that it is all i have known for almost 30 years. This hurt has caused me to live in constant fear and to retreat from others. Since that time i have put people into two catergories: those i could never please and would never love me and those who maybe cared but for some reason would never stay around. I became a real people pleaser because i didn't want to disappoint or draw attention to myself yet i never lost the longing to be beautiful and to be noticed. Somewhere along the way i convinced myself that i must not let others see my hurt and know my pain. To numb the pain, i turned to food. It has never worked but i keep going back to it anyway. In all of this i also lost sight of who i am. Until yesterday i didn't even realize the anger i felt towards God. So there were no classes at Front Porch Academy yesterday because i was learning to grieve. It has been like losing Grandmama all over again and i am so frustrated because since i have suppressed it for so long i can't even cry like i want. Writing this has helped release some healing tears but there is still a "wall" that must come down. In between crying out to God and asking "why" i am also asking Him to show me how to bring down this wall. In my turmoil i have been turning to the food as usual and i can't help but feel that that may be at least part of the wall. In the meantime, the little girl is crying out for release and the thought occurs to me, "The little girl must be set free so the woman can dance". God, help me!

A Pick from the Purple Box

Way down at the bottom of this blog you will find a purple box. It is my playlist. Because it is practically hidden beneath all the posts and other stuff i am afraid it is easily overlooked but that is the only place it fit. The music on my playlist varies greatly. There you will find classical, country, Christian and other types. It would be very difficult to say which is my favorite kind of music. Each selection below means something to me. That is why each week i will take a pick from the playlist and tell why i like it and what it means to me. It is my hope that you will listen along and maybe find something you enjoy. You may even find you like a style of music you never thought possible. My first pick is actually the third selection on my playlist: "When I get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. Well, surely the title alone is enough to pique your interest. In this song, Paisely talks about the things he will see and do when he gets to Heaven. I cannot listen to this song with tearing up. The lyrics and the imagery are just beautiful. Then there is the part where he talks about seeing his grandaddy. This is when i start to think about my Papa. You see, Papa was a hard-working and loving man with many friends. For his family and friends, Papa would do anything. He worked in construction and used his skills to help others. He loved working with his hands. Now Papa also loved God. When Papa had his stroke and was forced to spend the last nine years of his life confined to a wheelchair and bed he loved to watch preaching on television and would sing along with the choir. In those moments when the discomfort was so great Papa would cry out to God and tell Him how ready he was to be Home. After many years of struggle he did go Home in June of 2000. Though our hearts ache from the loss we know he is in a much better place and that we will be with him again. And when i get where i'm going i will see Papa and we will walk together. I will tell him how i have missed him and then i will hug his neck. Hope you enjoy the song as much as i do.

Homeschooling: The Thrill is Back!

This image of children having fun learning and enjoying the great outdoors is brought to you compliments of "My Father's World-Exploring Countries and Cultures". Since our first day of school last Monday(8-11) some interesting things have been taking place. The children and i are thoroughly enjoying homeschooling again! We try to start school every day at 8:00. No problem. They are ready and ASKING to start school at 7:30! Brogan and Reece were actually disappointed when we didn't have school over the weekend. Rachel enjoys reading and would rather help me with her brothers who are in Kindergarten and working through "My Father's World From A to Z"than play the Wii. She now says she wants to be a teacher. The little ones are so excited to be learning the days of creation,numbers and the alphabet. The older two are fascinated by geography,science and learning about different countries and cultures. I am feeling much smarter myself! As their teacher i am relearning so much of what i have forgotten over the years. "My Father's World" has also sparked everyone's creativity, including my own. We have music and art three days a week because creativity is very much encouraged in this curriculum. Every Wednesday we enjoy a Nature Walk and that is what we are doing in this picture. This was our first one, we are eagerly awaiting tomorrow's walk when we will start our leaf and bark collection. To say that i am thoroughy impressed with MFW would be an undersatement. This is the curriculum i have so desperately seeking since we started homeschooling 4 years ago. I am so grateful a friend told me about "My Father's World" and thank God for this wonderful opportunity to teach my children in what is turning out be a great adventure! Stay tuned readers, there will be more to share in the days and weeks ahead...