My Last Post...for 2008, That is

As i mentioned in my last post, December has been a very busy month. What i did not mention is the challenge i accepted early this month and the spiritual attack that has come with that acceptance.
It has always been my desire to encourage others and openly share my struggles in the hope of helping others as they struggle too. On December 7 i was offered that opportunity. I was asked to facilitate a women's step study at my church. After talking it over with my husband and praying over it i gave my answer-yes! Since then i have been filled with such an odd mixture of excitement, fear and doubt. On the one hand, i do believe God has prepared me for such a moment as this. On the other hand, i remember all my failures and see all the room for improvement in my life. So this must be in some small way, how Moses felt when God confronted him and told him he was the one chosen to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land and Jeremiah when he was called to be a prophet. Not that i compare myself to these men but i do understand the feelings of inadequacey.
Then i think of my role as teacher and how i am forever learning as i teach the children. I expect my role as facilitator to be the same. God is not calling me to be perfect and to have all the answers. What He is calling me to do is to reach out to these women, love them and help them recognize God as their source of strength to overcome. And yes, throughout this process i will be learning and relearning...probably even more than i did when i went through the program myself last year.
In the meantime, i will be praying for the women who will be joining me this year as well as my co-facilitator-whoever she may be. I don't know yet but God does and i know He has us all covered.
Now, as i close this last post for 2008, i would like to wish everyone a blessed New Year and thank your for reading!

Weekend Challenge: #4

"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:25I used to wonder why it was so hard for me find and maintain friendships. It confused me why so many seemed to think of me as an odd combination of June Cleaver,Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa. As a wife and mother they thought i cooked every meal from scratch and kept an immaculate home while raising children who resembled the Brady Bunch. As a homemaker they figured i was creative and organized. While doing all of this, it also seemed i had the patience of a saint. Nothing could have been further from the truth. So where were people getting these ideas? I asked myself this question so many times, it didn't seem i would ever know the answer. Then i prayed and asked God to show me where the miscommunication was taking place. As it turns out I was the one giving everyone that impression! In my eagerness to have friends and to be a friend i was trying hard not to appear needy or too weak. I loved to listen to what others were saying about their lives and families but shared very little about myself. It is a fear thing but it is also very arrogant. Where i had sympathy and compassion for others and their struggles i had none for myself. What i finally realized i was saying was that it was okay for everyone else to struggle but i was supposed to be different somehow. This has not been a fun lesson, no one wants to think they are so arrogant but that is exactly what i have been. So instead of beating myself up, which has been the practice all my life, i am working on my communication skills. Sometimes it is the hardest thing for me to admit that i need help and then ask for it. But with much prayer and God's help i am learning. That is one item on on my list of areas where i am working to improve. Second on my list is getting exercise daily. This one just got a lot easier with the gift of a Wii Fit. Now i try to walk in the morning and in the afternoon i do a few minutes on the Wii. The kids and i are all enjoying it! Number three is getting to bed earlier and the last three nights have been successful. That makes it a lot easier to get up in the morning for my "quiet time"(something else i am trying to work at) and a walk. By the time i have taken my shower and had my breakfast i am in a much better frame of mind. There are other items to add to my list but for now i feel this is a good start.

Improvements Needed

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." Hebrews 12:1 What areas do you need to improve upon? I have to admit when i got to this part of the challenge i lost some of my enthusiasm. In my stinking perfectionist thinking i hear the word improvement and my first thought is, "You're no good.". Now perfectionism can affect a person in one of two ways: it will either push you into over-achieving or cause you to shrink in fear that you will never be good enough. I fall into the latter category. So number one on my list of improvements to be made is my way of thinking. Instead of looking inward i need to be looking upward. Number two on my list involves the use of time. I can be very selfish with my time. After homeschooling in the morning, cooking and cleaning in the afternoons and washing throughout the day all i want to do with whatever time is left is check my email, look at Facebook or blog. Most days that is how i "connect" with others. When i feel lonely, anxious or depressed i turn to food to numb these emotions. One way or the other i feel like i am going to explode. At least an escape to the computer keeps me out of the kitchen...for awhile. Guess you have figured out number three! Number four would probably be learning to be still. That's another hard one for me. I have been accused more than once of having ADD and OCD. What does that tell you? Organization also comes to mind. I have never been accused of being organized. People with organizational skills astound me. How i wish some of that skill would rub off on me! And number six? Getting to bed earlier! All these improvements require discipline-number seven. This is where perfectionism can kick in and i can throw my hands in the air and say, "I'll never get it!". But i don't want to do that anymore. Instead i will refer to a church sign i spotted yesterday as i drove home from an errand, "When you are through improving, you are through". Could this be what the writer of Hebrews was talking about? If we are to finish this race on top aren't we continually making the necessary improvements to get there? Life is about improving but we can not make those improvements on our own. God shows us where we need to improve and then He says, "Let Me help you." Thank you, Father, for showing me, Your child, the areas of needed improvement in my life. Help me to run this race with endurance.